AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN

feeling: mixed up bottled up fcuked up

ok... this is not the first time... this wun be the last time... not planning to blog today but my dad jjus came in and blabberred his mouthful... 'i giv u the last warning ok... after chingay u better stop all the nonsense... u better study hard for jc and i wan u to get into a university... it may be expensive but i dun mind... after u graduate after the 4 years i dun care wat u do... u wan counter top dancing i also dun care' and he walks outta my room... tts the ultimatium?

he claims i never understand how they felt... hav they ever? hav they understand wat i wan and like? they only noe how to scold me and blame me when i score badly for exams... AND they blame it on dance... i am reminded of my torturous sec 4 life being needed to juggle dance's SYF and studies... everyone only noe how to say how badly my batch will be doing and has done... anyone questioned nhss's teachers' so-called care and concern for students? i am even being said to hav study disabilities jus becoz i fail my A maths? yes i faled it again during prelims... SO? my brother failed too lah... and my sister too.... why only me?

all i worry now is the perf for CDAA and melaka dance com... its not as if going to crez tml is on a weekday lah... i am turning 17 soon btw... i think.. if i never rmb wrongly, tt i noe how to manage time better than all of my family members... asking me not to participate in DI... i dunno wat to say lah... i dun get his meaning... he dun get mine... there is so many things on my mind now tt i wanna complete... i cant now... they didnt even ask abt hoe sick i was lah... they always think tt i am the young strong boy who never needs to be cared for...

now still got nhds stuff getting on my mind... some matters... some personal matters... so many i wanna solve and find a solution to them... humans needs to be versatile... if it sounds familiar... study is not my forte... i noe it... so is dance... i hav absolutely no talent in it... not good in gym, wushu, lion dance, blahblah... i wasted my damn 4 years lah... my fault ok?

to those who hav been closer to me, u might think wat my dad says is going to suit my plan after the melaka dance com... i always tot tt DI is too good for me... and tt i am too inferior to stay... anything goes... i currently still stick to the initial decision tt i made last last sunday... tt i will leave DI after melaka... now it seems i hav to leave earlier... i not making a big hoo haa here and i am not being hot-headed here... i tot through these things many many times... i dun like to be a burden to anyone...

i wish my dreams come true...